The Nightly Grind

So, I'm lying here next to Jackson, watching Baby's First TV, and hoping he falls asleep soon. I've been following this routine for almost two years and wondering now why I didn't follow that "ferber method" or whatever it's called - it seemed so cruel to make him cry himself to sleep. Two years later it seems so cruel that he makes me lie here with him until he falls asleep. I have become his slave. Instead of training him, he trained me.

The irony of the situation is that I really wouldn't want it any other way. I cherish the moments I have cuddling next to him, and even more so the moments when he rolls over, hugs my neck, and says "mama". They are the sweetest moments, and at those times I have to remind myself that I really do have a beautiful life!!!

Infact, I am starting this blog as a sort of cathartic exercise...like a self help blog for myself. I used to keep a journal religiously. With the stressors of life, work, babies, marriage...my "Dear Diary" time has become completely nonexistent, almost impossible. I don't even have enough energy to crack open a journal and wield a pen to record the sensational chaos that my life has become. Funny, because I used to have insomnia...I would take down a novel a night, unable to shut my eyes until I'd read the book beginning to end. Now, I am quite certain there are many nights that I've shut my eyes before my head has even hit the pillow.

Anyway, I digress...as I was saying, I am hoping this blog will prove therapeutic. I am very aware that I have become (or maybe I always have been) very negative. Either way, I am very aware of it now. Mostly due to my husband's constant reminder of this unattractive quality I possess and partly because I am finally able to admit that he might be a little right about it...my negativity that is.

So, I have decided to get back in the habit of journaling again. Only this time I am going to be sure to record why my life is so beautiful instead of so miserable. That's not to say I won't occasionally highlight the ugliness in my life..."life can be a shit sandwich and every day is just another bite" - I stole that quote from one of my BFF's, Beth, love ya girl! Anywho, I am going to make it a point to highlight the yummy bites we take out of life too, not just the shitty ones.

It's my hope that these daily reminders of the beautiful moments in life will make me more grateful, humble, happier...POSITIVE!!! If not for myself, then just to prove my husband wrong! :) But most importantly, to create a "memory blog" of my beautiful life.

FYI: Preston, my second son, was "ferberized" :)