Happy Holidays

It always happens this time of year; I begin to feel like Charlie Brown..

"I just don't understand Christmas," Charlie Brown said.

"I might be getting presents, sending Christmas cards, and decorating trees, but I'm still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed."

- Charlie Brown; A Charlie Brown Christmas

With all the rushing around, holiday get togethers, shopping, and decorating; it's easy to forget the true meaning of Christmas - the real reason for the season!


This year I vowed to have a stressless rather than stressful holiday season, and so far I believe we've been rather successful. I am learning to say no, be true to myself, and do what's best for my family. Not to mention, I am trying ever so hard to keep the true meaning of Christmas in my heart and trying ever so dearly not to let my inner "Grinch" ruin the holidays!


Most importantly, at the very tip top of my Christmas wish list is my desire to spend as much time with my three men as possible. With all the commercial "hoohah" and stressers this time of year, it's easy to get bogged down, wrapped up, and too busy!


I intend to spend my holidays playing, cuddling, and giggling with all three of my favorite men, and I am going to enjoy every second of it! More than that, I will be giving thanks to our Lord for making those beautiful moments possible!


I wish you all a very merry Christmas, and I hope you all make beautiful memories this holiday season!

"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them; and they were sore afraid.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you, this day, is born in the city of Bethlehem a savior,

which is Christ the Lord.

That's what Christmas is all about Charlie Brown."

- Linus; A Charlie Brown Christmas

Fall 2010

I have learned that making a "living" is not the same as making a "life."

-Maya Angelou

And oh what a life we have been making this fall...quite a busy one actually, but I wouldn't trade a crazy second of it! We've been to Tuscaloosa several weekends for football games, Baton Rouge for a diappointing loss (although victorious for my dad), and to Florence for a wedding and an early Thanksgiving! Then, we wrapped up the fall season with a super stellar trip to my favorite travel destination, NOLA! It's been fast and furious, but beautiful and memorable none the less!

Family

"The happiest moments of my life

have been the few which I have passed at home

in the bosom of my family."

- Thomas Jefferson

Ok, so I know I said I am going to try to live in the present, and I am! In fact, I have been...for almost a whole two weeks now! Go me!

However, I still find myself thinking about the future. Not obsessing like before, but just thinking ahead. That's okay, right?

You see, I got to thinking about the future because we traveled to NOLA for my niece's bday this weekend, and I really enjoyed visiting with the fam!

It got me thinking about how little we get to visit with them and how many beautiful moments we don't get to share with them because we're so far apart. I really don't want my boys' futures to be filled (rather unfilled) with so few memories of their NOLA family! It really would be wonderful if we lived closer and we could spend more time with the Rowan clan!

After all, family really is the tie that binds; without a healthy helping of it ever so often, I feel lost and disconnected!

Even though others might say we're loud, crazy, and dysfunctional - they're MY loud, crazy, and dysfunctional family and I wouldn't want it any other way! Besides, "family is like fudge, sweet but with a few nuts" (me being one of the nuts)! By the way, thanks for loving and accepting me for who I am. I love you all so much!

So, here's to my family!

Thanks for a wonderful weekend and the beautiful memories;

hopefully, the future holds many more, more often!

Learning to Be

"If you want to be happy, be."

-Leo Tolstoy

"Somtimes, the hardest lesson in life is learning how to just be."

I have come to realize that I have difficulty living in the moment.

I am always thinking about tomorrow.

I think it's part of my annoying "OCD" tendencies.

I am always planning, plotting, and pondering;

therfore, I am never satisfied with the present

because I am always obsessing over the future.

I have not learned how to live in the present and just "be."

However, I know that inorder to feel truly satisfied with life,

I have to learn to enjoy it. I have to learn to just "be!"

This weekend was the first time in a long time

that I allowed myself to just "be."

I threw all caution to the wind and just went with the flow.

We had plans to travel to Tuscaloosa

and take the boys to the Alabama game,

but Jeremy and I were so bushed from the hectic week we'd had;

a road trip just didn't sound exciting!

However, I am a stickler for plans and I get all out of wack

if things don't go according to schedule.

So, I was really stressed about changing our plans at the last minute.

I am so glad we did though!

We ended up having a wonderful weekend, and it was nice to just be!

I ventured off track, and it was all good!

I soaked up the gorgeous weather, visited with friends,

and spent quality time with my three men!

I just let myself be, and I found that I was truly happy.

I think I like living in the present;

not worrying about tomorrow is actually a much better way to be!

All this fuss over my job, where we should live,

and what's coming next only causes undue stress,

and I end up missing all the beautiful moments in life

because I am too worried about when I'm going to start living

instead of just living!

So, Carpe Diem!

May it be a beautiful day,

and may true happiness come your way!

"Love your life. Accept it, just as it is. Today. Now.

So that those moments of happiness you're waiting for don't pass you by."

Dreams

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood.."

-Robert Frost

So, I thought I'd follow up yesterday's post with how I got to be here. Certainly, it has been a long and winding road, but the journey is not over yet.

I once was an avid reader and aspiring writer, filled with fancies of seeing my work published in the likes of Southern Living or maybe even Vogue -dare I dream it? Unfortunately, I did; and like most dreams, it never came to fruition.

I thought I'd done all that was necessary to cement my place amongst the most beloved writers in history; one day wikipedia would report that I was the youngest novelist to publish a best seller!

I majored in English, wrote a few articles for the Crimson White, and even interned for and helped write the Natural History Museum's quarterly news bulletin. Surely this would be enough to land me a job at Southern Progress with one of there many magazines. If not, then at least having been a nanny for one of its chief editors would be.

Alas, it was not!And this was not as shocking as I might have expected, more of a major reality check...Cinderella was wrong, dreams really don't come true! Somebody might wanna send her a memo.

After an internship with The Birmingham Museum of Art, I decided teaching offered the best career solution at the time. After all, $10 an hour and no benefits wasn't getting me very far now that I was a grown up and responsible for my rent, car payments, insurance, etc.

If I couldn't be a writer, maybe I could teach others how to be...or how not to be.

Anyway, now here I am.

I have very little time to read (unless it's part of the eighth grade course of study or one of Jackson's Elmo or Dr. Seuss books), much less do I find time to write. What's worse, I have become complacent.


I have submitted to the notion that dreams are for suckers, and drawing a pay check is the bottom line, even if it means sacrificing happiness.

I took the road that was well worn, the easy and safe route. 10 years later, I'm looking for a cut thru to the road less traveled by.

So, enough with all the pessimism; even poor old Eeyore would tell me to quit complaining!

I'm lucky I have a job to complain about anyway! Besides, if I want to chase my dreams, I better lace up my tennis shoes. I mean, my dreams didn't give up on me; I was the one who bailed!

It's time to stop sitting back and letting fate just happen; it's time to go out and grab her by the horns and take ownership of my destiny!

As far as teaching goes, I might not reach them all, but as long as I reach just one, then I have accomplished something.

And as for those pipe dreams, I think I'll start referring to them as goals; "goals" sounds less fanciful and more attainable! Time to start seeing the glass as half full, right?

Hey, maybe I'll even give Cinderella a call and see if she has any advice!

In the mean time, I'll be working on that cut thru!

Happy Monday

"THE BEST career advice given to the young is:

Find out what you like doing best

and get someone to pay you for doing it."

-Katherine Whitehorn

This quote has really gotten to me today. Am I too old? Is it too late? Why didn't somebody give me this advice 10 years ago? Or did they, but I didn't listen?

It was definitely a Monday today, and I had many moments where I found myself reevaluating my career and asking myself, "how did I get here?"

I mean, I am not doing anything with my life, as far as work goes, that I thought I'd be doing. Hello! I was supposed to be a famous writer by now, or a world traveler on the way to a new exotic destination, or an up-and-coming political hot shot on the way to becoming the first lady president.

Instead, I'm an eighth grade English teacher who spends more time having to discipline than actually teaching, and forget about the whole making a difference in the lives of today's youth...I am almost certain that ain't happening in my classroom.

How did this happen? What went wrong? More importantly, can it be fixed? Is there a rewind button on careers? Is it too late? Someone please convince me that it's not or at least give me some words of encouragement. After only 8 years in the classroom (not to mention 8 years of college education and lots of student loans later), I am already burned out, uninspired, and longing to do what really makes me happy...this...writing.

So, I guess I'm being pretty pessimistic today. Like I said, it's been a Monday, and it doesn't help that I started the week off exhausted. Weekends aren't restful when you have a one and two year old. Although, I am very grateful to have them in my life to keep me so exhausted!

In fact, they are the best thing about coming home from work everyday!

That being said, this blog was started to remind me of how beautiful life is, and my three men are definitely the most beautiful part of my day.

I just wish I could add my job to the list of beautiful reminders. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for my job. I would be insane not to be, especially with the economy on the fritz and the rising unemployment rates.

I just wish I could say I'm doing what I love for a living. I wish I had a job that allowed me to "live" while making a living. I wish I could stop being so negative!

But it's like my dad always says,"Wish in one hand and take a crap in the other; see which one gets filled first!"

Happy Monday, and may tomorrow be a Terrific Tuesday!

Love Letter to My Husband

So this is for my husband because I'm missing him like crazy right now.



He's in Georgia hiking and he hasn't even been gone that long. Infact, he just left this morning, but it feels lonely since he didn't come home from work like usual. I didn't get to see Jackson's face light up or hear him squeal "daddy!" because he heard the dogs barking to signify Jeremy was home. It makes my heart sad not to have this beautiful moment today. It reminds me that some of the most ordinary moments in life are also the most precious - watching my sons get so excited to see their daddy come home from work everyday is both priceless and beautiful.Those moments makes us all happy!



I also miss spending the evening with him, sharing our usual Friday night dinner and a movie (at home of course - having an inant and a toddler does not afford us real dates very often these days, but we enjoy it none the less).



I miss him so much! I wish I could curl up next to him right now, which makes me realize I should curl up with him, cuddle with him, and love him more often! Wishing for it when I can't have it is pointless, and even more pointless is not taking advatage of it when I actually can! I need to soak up as much of him as I can and when I can. I need to love him more, cuddle with him more, and kiss him more!



I love you Jeremy! Hurry home; I miss you!


Love,
Donya

Summer 2010

This post not only brings me to the end of my mini vaca but the end of summer as well. I started this blog at the beginning of summer and now, only three posts later, summer is coming to a close and football season is gearing up to take the field.The last day of vacation is just like the last day of summer...I always wish I had one more day!

None the less, I can not let summer slip away without giving her due. Moreover, I can't let the precious memories she has afforded me these last two months to go by unnoticed. Certainly they were not. I truly treasured each and every day, and blame my all too crazy busy but equally beautiful life for having not had the time to pen them, type them, or record them like I'd hoped and planned. But it's never too late, and I happily share a few of those unforgettable and beautiful moments now.

Seeing as I've already introduced it, I'll start at the end of summer which is also the end of my mini vaca with Jeremy and the Rowan Clan. We've been in Cancun, Mexico celebrating Grams and Pappy's 50th wedding anniversary.

I happen to be basking in the sun right now while enjoying the gorgeous view and the sound of waves crashing. I feel like I am in paradise...

A quote comes to mind, "I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library." I like this quote because I am one of those book junkies who feels like a kid in a candy store when I walk into a library; to me, it is paradise. Or am I in paradise right now?

How does one really describe paradise? How can one really do justice in describing a place that is thought by many to be the supreme, the ultimate, the mecca of happiness? Maybe I should refer to Webster on this one...

Albeit a different meaning depending on who you ask, I believe "paradise" is wherever you can truly find peace...whether it be under a palapa on the beach, from your pew in a crowded congregation, fishing early morning in the middle of a deserted lake, admist the frenzy of a much needed shopping spree, reveling in the accomplishment of having reached the peek of a mountain, or buried deep between the pages of a good book..."paradise", like art, is very subjective, but enjoyed the same by all who need, seek, and find it!

Anyway, the point is I am enjoying a gorgeous view and the sound of waves crashing, while lamenting that today is my last day in paradise. Is that an oxymoron or is it irony? Maybe both!Either way, I am in paradise for the moment.

Unfortuantely, I wrote the earlier portion of this post while in Cancun, but now I am home and my first official day of school is tomorrow. Nonetheless, I can not close without making mention of the "big move" because it was certainly a monumental and bittersweet moment I will never forget.

Jeremy and I sold our "labor of love" and gorgeous lake house on Logan Martin in May. After much worry, stress, and financial despair we decided it was in our best interest to move on to a more affordable abode. The move, however, was bittersweet.

Bitter because we worked so hard to make that house a home, financially and emotionally. So much work and so little reward, actually zero financial reward. More of a loss actually.

Like I said though, it's bittersweet, but more sweet than bitter...

For starters, she had a gorgeous view! One I'll never forget, and one which afforded us a gorgeous backdrop for our 2009 Christmas card. Also, we hope this will be a move in the right direction for our financial future. More than anything, it's not just about the bank notes and credit card debt attached to that home, but the beautiful memories we created there - first and foremost being Jackson and Preston. Harmon Drive will always be dear to our hearts for those two reasons alone, it was our boys' first home. What else can I say, but thank you for the memories!

In the mean time, we have moved on to a new chapter in our lives, although it feels like we're in limbo and not really coming or going. God knows we're ready to go though; we just have to figure out how to make it happen, but that's another post.

More note worthy memories from this summer include our family trip to the beach, trips to the Birmingham Zoo, and splishing and splashing in our new pool.

We traveled to Pensacola in June to visit with my family, and to Destin in the same weekend for Wes and Danielle's wedding (Jeremy's cousin). It was a very busy but unforgettable trip. It started with a very long drive to P'cola. What should have taken 4-5 hours, took 9 hours!!! Not to mention, the airconditioner went out 2 hrs outside Birmingham and we rode in the sweltering summer heat for most of the trip.

Then, we stopped at Shoneys to eat and made an epic mess!!! Our booth looked like somebody had thrown up bits of macaronni, mashed taters, and chicken tenders and smushed some leftover bananas in for good measure - thank you Jackson and Preston! I am certain the waitress was very happy to see us go, but not so happy to clean up our mess. In all seriousness though, Jeremy and I really got a kick out of taking the boys to Shoneys. It's kind of like Stuckeys or Cracker Barrell; they're all family road trip classics! ! All in all, it was a messy but beautiful moment to treasure!

Of course, we made even more beautiful memories while at the beach...there was

the time spent watching Preston eat sand while Jackson shoveled it into his huge dump truck, there were the moments spent floating in the ocean and swimming in the pool, and, of course, the precious time spent with family and friends! Many beautiful moments were made during that trip, and I wouldn't trade one airconditionless moment of travel for them!

Another beautiful moment to treasure would have to be our trips to the Zoo this summer. Being a teacher and having summers off afforded me the best gift ever, spending time with my boys! Jackson and Preston both love the Zoo, and I loved seeing their cute little faces light up everytime we saw a new animal.

Jackson would squeal, "I see it, I see it! Look mama, I see it!," and Preston's little feet would start running and kicking in place and he'd throw his arms up with a crazy look on his face. He wanted so badly to tell me, "I see it, I see it! Look mama, I see it!" I'm sure next summer, when Preston's talking too, they will both be squealing together!

They were too cute! Even others noticed how super cute they were, and I even overheard one mother tell her kids, "He'd be fun to take to the zoo," as she pointed to Jackson.

Then there was that other beautiful moment when I was holding both Jackson and Preston up to look at the gorillas through the window. Jackson pressed his hands to the glass and screamed, "Rilla, Rilla!"

He was so excited!

Those days at the zoo were good times! Time flies when you're having fun!
Last but not least, I can not forget to pay tribute to the swimming pool!

Our rental home came with all kinds of kid pleasers: cows, lots of yard to run around and get dirty in, and the most coveted backyard crowd pleaser of all - a swimming pool! Although, Jeremy and I quickly realized having a pool was not all it's cracked up to be and requires a lot of work and money.

Nonetheless, Jackson thouroughly enjoyed splishing and splashing, rocketing down the slide, and jumping off the diving board with daddy. Preston wasn't as keen on the pool, but he warmed up to it eventually.

Even though it was a lot of work (thank you Jeremy for being my pool boy and keeping it clean and running), we did enjoy the beautiful memories it afforded us!

I'm looking forward to more beach trips, zoo safaris, splishing and splashing for summers to come!

So, that was my pathetic attempt to sum up my summer of 2010, just another short chapter in my life come and gone.

But, as sad as endings are, beginnings are just as exciting!

So, on to the next chapter, and may it be even more "beautiful" than the last!

These are the days of the endless summer

These are the days, the time is now

There is no past, there’s only future

There’s only here, there’s only now

-Van Morrison

Motherhood

Motherhood is such a paradox of emotions.

For example, it is such a rewarding feeling to be a mother, to have something so special that you created, and to have those beautiful gifts from God look up to you, love you so unconditionally, and depend on you for their every need.

But at the same time, how frightening and overwhelming it is to have someone so tiny, fragile, and vulnerable depending on you for everything...not just physical needs like food and shelter but emotional needs as well, like love and a sense of belonging.

Not to mention, motherhood can be so exhausting, physcially and emotionally.

Besides the obvious physical exhaustion from wrangling an energetic toddler and a curious infant, the emotions I experience on a daily basis as a mother are enough to wear me out. Fear, love, worry, joy, frustration, pride, excitement, angst...and the list goes on.


Oh, and don't get me started on the worrying...


Worrying they'll get hurt, worrying you'll get hurt, worrying you aren't parenting right, worrying someone else thinks you're not parenting right,


(which by the way, I must get on my soap box for a minute and tell all those people to back off and remember that Jeremy and I are the parents of these gorgeous little boys and that we know best , even if we're not always sure that we really do - the bottom line is we are the parents and they are our children - not to mention, it's really none of your business - ok, I'm better now, moving on...)


worrying you'll never have a life again, worrying they'll grow up and you will have a life again, worrying they don't know how much you love them, worrying they don't love you as much as you love them, worrying you worry too much...


It's funny how we wish for motherhood so badly, and then, when it gets here, we realize we had no idea exactly what we were wishing for or that it was going to be so hard, but, even better, is the realization that it's so much much more rewarding than we'd ever imagined.

Yes, at the end of the day, I am often physically and emotionally drained beyond words, but I am also content with being so utterly exhausted. I know one day I'll want to give anything to feel this worn out if I could just make them little boys again.

Motherhood is such a beautiful thing, and I am thankful for all three of the men in my life; without one, the other two would not have been possible. Thank you Jeremy, Jackson, and Preston for making my life complete and for making me a mother!

In the Garden

Earlier this week, Jeremy's Aunt Julie invited me to stop by and pick some of her ripe blueberries and apples. She was going to be out of town for the weekend and she certainly didn't want them to go to waste. So, I decided to run by before picking the boys up from daycare. I had already envisioned all the delicious tarts, pies, and cobblers I was going to bake over the weekend. Anyway, it was not as successful as I'd planned, which is not unusual for me because nothing ever goes as I plan...

I couldn't find the blueberry bushes or apple trees and they were right in front of me the whole time. I had to call Jeremy six times to find them. (I am not exaggerating - my phone kept cutting out and I couldn't hear him). I'm quite certain he was very annoyed with me. None the less, it began to pour just at the very moment I began to delight in the fact that I'd finally found the bountiful fruit treasure. I even had a quick vision of Eve in the forbidden garden, mesmerized by all the beautiful fruit.

Of course, it was at that very moment that the sky fell out and lightening was surrounding me. I did manage to grab a few handfuls of berries and apples and then decided to take shelter under one of the trees...until I realized a tree was probably not the best place to avoid angry lightening. So, I hightailed it back to my car, praying all the way that the lightening would not see me. I was so drenched when I reached my car that the ac blowing out of my vents actually felt too cold, even in the blazing Alabama summer heat.

I almost became irritated that my fruitful errand had tuned out rather fruitless (again, nothing goes as I plan), but, even then, I had to admit that it had actually been another beautiful moment in life and that I should be thankful for the rain. Plus, I'd still managed to pilfer enough fruit to make at least one cobbler. I just wish I could have seen myself running, arms full, trying to escape the lightening that I was so sure was out to get me. I'm such a dork!

The Nightly Grind

So, I'm lying here next to Jackson, watching Baby's First TV, and hoping he falls asleep soon. I've been following this routine for almost two years and wondering now why I didn't follow that "ferber method" or whatever it's called - it seemed so cruel to make him cry himself to sleep. Two years later it seems so cruel that he makes me lie here with him until he falls asleep. I have become his slave. Instead of training him, he trained me.

The irony of the situation is that I really wouldn't want it any other way. I cherish the moments I have cuddling next to him, and even more so the moments when he rolls over, hugs my neck, and says "mama". They are the sweetest moments, and at those times I have to remind myself that I really do have a beautiful life!!!

Infact, I am starting this blog as a sort of cathartic exercise...like a self help blog for myself. I used to keep a journal religiously. With the stressors of life, work, babies, marriage...my "Dear Diary" time has become completely nonexistent, almost impossible. I don't even have enough energy to crack open a journal and wield a pen to record the sensational chaos that my life has become. Funny, because I used to have insomnia...I would take down a novel a night, unable to shut my eyes until I'd read the book beginning to end. Now, I am quite certain there are many nights that I've shut my eyes before my head has even hit the pillow.

Anyway, I digress...as I was saying, I am hoping this blog will prove therapeutic. I am very aware that I have become (or maybe I always have been) very negative. Either way, I am very aware of it now. Mostly due to my husband's constant reminder of this unattractive quality I possess and partly because I am finally able to admit that he might be a little right about it...my negativity that is.

So, I have decided to get back in the habit of journaling again. Only this time I am going to be sure to record why my life is so beautiful instead of so miserable. That's not to say I won't occasionally highlight the ugliness in my life..."life can be a shit sandwich and every day is just another bite" - I stole that quote from one of my BFF's, Beth, love ya girl! Anywho, I am going to make it a point to highlight the yummy bites we take out of life too, not just the shitty ones.

It's my hope that these daily reminders of the beautiful moments in life will make me more grateful, humble, happier...POSITIVE!!! If not for myself, then just to prove my husband wrong! :) But most importantly, to create a "memory blog" of my beautiful life.

FYI: Preston, my second son, was "ferberized" :)